90 Mile Per Hour National League Preview

And now for the Senior Circuit….NL logo

N.L. East

Washington Nationals (93-69)
Atlanta Braves (88-74)
New York Mets (73-89)
Philadelphia Phillies (71-91)
Miami Marlins (69-93)Nats

5 Facts –

1. The Nationals will not underperform like last season
2. Dan Uggla will hit at least 20 points higher than last year
3. The Mets will retire Derek Jeter’s number just so they get a sellout
4. Questlove from the Roots will have a better ERA than Jonathan Papelbon
5. Giancarlo “Don’t Call me Mike” Stanton will break the monstrosity in the outfield with a Home RunStanton

N.L. Central

St. Louis Cardinals (94-68)
Pittsburgh Pirates (87-75)
Cincinnati Reds (84-78)
Milwaukee Brewers (73-89)
Chicago Cubs (69-93)Cards

5 Facts – 

1. St. Louis signed a 6 year extension this offseason on their existing deal with the devil.
2. Andrew McCutchen’s new SportsCenter commercial is fantastic
3. When Aroldis Chapman comes off the DL he is slated to replace Andy Dalton at Quarterback
4. The Ryan Braun Burger with “special sauce” will lead to teenagers growing thumbs from their foreheads
5. The Billy Goat was Divergent

N.L. West

Los Angeles Dodgers (92-70)
San Francisco Giants (85-77)
Arizona Diamondbacks (83-79)
San Diego Padres (75-87)
Colorado Rockies (75-87)Dodgers

5 Facts – 

1. If Clayton Kershaw’s injury becomes prolonged, the frequency of California earthquakes will increase
2. After stumbling early the Giants will make a late push for the 2nd wild card, fueled by See’s Candies, but will fall short
3. Kirk Gibson will throw Zack Greinke into the Chase Field pool sparking a benches clearing slap fight
4. The Padres will wear their Sunday uniforms into Golden Corral for the military discount
5. Troy Tulowitzki and Carlos Gonzalez will be unavailable for September games on Sunday so they can use their Broncos season tickets

 

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