Swami the Magazine: iLove

Greetings and welcome to another edition of Swami the Magazine! It should be a shock to no one that The Swami did not have a perfect record last Thursday, but the good news is that the StM Staff did not choose any Thursday games to predict this week! (Score one for the good guys!)

Yesterday was Apple’s annual product announcement and they had all sorts of “exciting” news about iPads, iPhones, iWatches, and other products. This got the StM staff chatting around the water cooler about what other products Apple might announce at a future event. So we have included one of those future products with each of this week’s games for your enjoyment. (You’re welcome)iApple

iBelt – S. Alabama v. Nebraska – Taking the concept of a Fitbit to a whole new level! The iBelt measures food and water consumption based on the strain your waist puts on the buckle. It will also play Jim Gaffigan food jokes or Weird Al food related songs from your iTunes library. Nebraska will be yukking it up this week. Huskers 49-7iBelt

iKnife – Tulane v. Georgia Tech – The 4 GB version of the iKnife has Siri warn you if you are about to cut yourself and has a camera readily available for you to take food selfies. And the Yellow Jackets will cut through the Tulane defense like a knife. Yellow Jackets 45-17iKnife

iHat – Notre Dame v. Virginia – The iHat comes in baseball style, musketeer style, and leprechaun style. It is Bluetooth compatible and Siri will speak whatever you’re thinking. Additionally it comes with an Apple Maps plugin that will map out your hairline so you can know if you are losing any. WARNING: Apple Maps can sometimes be inaccurate, so don’t do anything rash! It is projected that the Leprechaun style will be the top seller. Fighting Irish 33-13iHat

iGnome – Boise St v. BYU – This lawn ornament has motion sensors that allow it to have Siri greet visitors, serve as a silent alarm trigger for trespassers, or a loud alarm if an animal defecates in your yard. It also has an auto-dial function when your lawn needs to be mowed by the local teenager. It even has a version that won’t clash with your blue turf. Boise State 33-31iGnome

iToaster – Arizona v. Nevada – The iToaster allows you to take a photo with the front-facing 5MP camera and have that shape toasted into your bread. Impress your friends by having a plate full of toast with the Virgin Mary’s image on each piece!! Zona toasts ‘em 30-17iToaster

iChair – Oklahoma v. Tennessee – This is a must have for big games when you don’t want to get up. A mini iFridge is located in the side of the chair. It is fully integrated with the iToaster so that your helmet toast will be delivered to you in the chair wirelessly. Additionally, the chair will catheterize you upon request so you don’t miss a thing. (Note: Siri gets a little lippy if you fidget while the catheter app is running). You may want this chair for this game. Vols 34-33iChair

iBall – LSU v. Mississippi St. – The iBall is helpful in a couple of different areas. It has an app that will help you see in the dark like an extra…well…eyeball. It also will check the PSI in the ball you are playing with. The NFL may be purchasing this soon. LSU already has it. Tigers 35-31iBall

iSpy – Oregon v. Michigan St. – The iSpy looks like a toy plane, but it’s in fact a wi-fi enabled drone that can spy on your opponents and broadcast it via your Periscope app back to the coaching staff. A must if you play in the northeast U.S. We may find out that the folks out west wish they employed it this week as well. Spartans 28-27iSpy

iEye – Hawaii v. Ohio St.  – Seriously… every Pirate would buy an iEye!!!!! BuckEYEs 49-10iEye

iGlasses – Georgia v. Vanderbilt – The iGlasses work just like Google glass only they’re more pretentious! They also could become the favorite item for fans to throw on the field at referees who make questionable calls. Oh, the iGlasses also help you see clearly that you should never cheer for UGA! Vanderbilt +21iGlasses


The Guru’s Take

The Guru is pleased. There’s nothing like starting with a Thursday night game against the Swami. However, in week 2, there is a Saturday game that must be chosen, as the 19th-ranked Sooners travel to Rocky Top to face the 23rd ranked Volunteers.  Oklahoma overhauled their coaching staff and offensive scheme this offseason, with Texas Tech transfer QB Baker Mayfield now leading the new Air Raid attack.  The Tennessee secondary should be vulnerable, but OU’s run defense could be leaky (Editor’s Note: So OU has an iLeak secondary?!) as well against UT’s rushing attack. It should be a great matchup, but look for Oklahoma to ride the Schooner into the win column.  Sooners 33, Volunteers 31 iLeak


James & the Swamettes

The NFL season kicks off this week so we get the wisdom of the official offspring of the Swami. This week the kids are just focusing on their two main teams. The kids decided to pick one of their movies that they felt fit best with each game, so here you have it:

James – Big Hero 6 – Even though J.J. Watt is about as unstoppable as Baymax, James is pretty sure that the Chiefs will get 6 when they need it most. Chiefs over Texans 27-21 (and a WR TD in week 1)KCBaymax

The Swamettes – Frozen – Because these girls are convinced that this movie never gets old. But does it? And are the Falcons plans growing old? Is Matty still Ice, or is he beginning to thaw? As for their hopes for this season, Falcons fans may have to Let it Go. Eagles over Falcons 34-24FrozenFB

Until next time… The Swami!



Categories: Football

Tags: , ,

1 reply

  1. For the record… the iCaramba just barely missed the cut for this aricle

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