Swami the Magazine: O Captain, My Captain

Well, the Swami is back after letting the Guru have the reins for a week. He did above average, but definitely felt some of the pain of this unpredictable season. Now he has returned to the Law Offices of Guru, Esq. to hand out his [sic] wisdom in his weekly Take.

This week’s theme: One of the Swami’s good friends is a Captain in the National Guard. We also have referred to him as “The Captain” since his days as a Lieutenant. This week he is being promoted to Major, and I think it would be weird to call him Captain now that he’s a Major, so I’m trying out calling him Major. It’s going to be an adjustment. At this point, you are all thinking “why do I care”? Well, it made The Swami think about Captains through the years and naturally that is the theme for the week! So sit back and relax, because the Captain won’t steer us wrong.

Captain Kangaroo – South Carolina v. Missouri – You might assume I’m taking a shot at the Old Ball Coach, but it’s actually more about the goofiness in Columbia, MO. Many MU fans are happy with Mauk’s suspension, but this could be a tough first start for a Freshman. South Carolina 28-27CapKangaroo

Captain Jack Sparrow – West Virginia v. Oklahoma – This could be the best game this weekend. And frankly it’s probably as unpredictable as Captain Jack. But it’s my job to predict, so I predict another season where the old Big 8 teams get shut out of the conference title picture. Despite being over a touchdown underdog, the Mountaineers pull it off. West Virginia 38-35CapSparrow

Captain Malcolm Reynolds – Notre Dame v. Clemson – The Swami is still bitter about the Irish’s earlier victory over the Yellow Jackets, so he’s hoping that the boys in orange are ready to misbehave this week. Clemson 30-27CapMal

Cap’n Crunch – Minnesota v. Northwestern – A gopher has teeth that are perfect for enjoying a nice bowl of Cap’n Crunch. Northwestern at home is a nice matchup for the Gophers to get crunched. Northwestern 33-24CapCrunch

Captain Caveman – Nebraska v. Illinois – Husker fans are reeling a bit and may be feeling like they are sliding back to the days of the caveman, but the Swami believes that things will be ok this weekend for the former Bugeaters. Nebraska 27-24CapCaveman

Captain Kirk – North Carolina v. Georgia Tech – The Jackets have yet to really get things going this season. They’ve had more hitches and hesitations than the original Captain Kirk. The Swami thinks that the new Captain Kirk will show up this week and the Ramblin’ Wreck will get things moving again. Hey, it’s not like they’re facing Kahn! Georgia Tech 34-28CapKirk
Captain America – Alabama v. Georgia – There is nothing more American to The Swami than the Bulldogs losing. So here’s hoping Captain Saban has things figured out. Alabama 30-26CapAmerica

Captain Hook – Kansas State v. Oklahoma State – Bill Snyder was actually in college at the same time as Captain Hook, so there’s a lot of history there. This pick is purely based on the fact that Okie State has struggled to really put anyone away this season. Defense is key. K-State +8CapHook

Captain Picard – Ole Miss v. Florida – The SEC for The Next Generation has Ole Miss as one of the better teams in the conference and the Gators sliding backward. Ole Miss 24-17CapPicard

Captain Hammer – Mississippi St. v. Texas A&M – Is this purely an excuse to get Nathan Fillion on the list twice? That’s possible. Either way, the Aggies will take out the Bulldogs in what will feel as easy as a sing-along. A&M 33-21CapHammer

Captain Stubing – Indiana v. Ohio State – The Captain of the Love Boat is a perfect pick for the love fest America will have with the Hoosiers if they can come close to knocking off the Buckeyes! Indiana +21CapStubing


The Guru’s Take

After personally taking credit for causing BYU and Oregon to lose last week due to overconfidence from his picks (you’re welcome, non-West Coasters), the Guru will return to beating the Swami one game at a time.  This week, the only good defense in the Big XII meets the Air Raid offense that has been sizzling under Baker Mayfield.  If the game was in Morgantown, the Guru wouldn’t touch it.  But since it’s in Norman, the Sooners will have enough firepower to pull out the victory.  Oklahoma 27, WVU 20.

James and the Swamettes

After a good week last week, the official offspring of The Swami are looking to double down with another solid week. Now unfortunately that doesn’t exactly bode well for the Chiefs. With this week’s picks, the kids chose a movie they want to see for each game. Apparently they are singularly focused though… well, you’ll see.

James – Chiefs v. Bengals – Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens – As much as James wants it, it would take the Chiefs using the Force to get a W this week. Bengals 27-21

Allison – Texans v. Falcons – Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens – Allison is sure that the Falcons will win like the Jedi. Though J.J. Watt will be as tough as Kylo Ren, don’t bet on the red light saber. Falcons 30-24 


Until next time…  The Swami!



Categories: Football

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1 reply

  1. I see the Swami has picked against God’s team (again). Which means the Golden Domers will continune on the path of the undefeated and put the screws to some Power 5 conference in the playoffs.

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