Swami the Magazine: Flipping the Script – Fourth Down

Welcome to another edition of StM! In this annual tradition, the Guru and Swami have agreed to make this week the week where they Flip the Script™ – the Guru will pick the games while the Swami attempts to best the Guru on one game.  This week has a plethora of good games (unlike last week’s snoozefest), so the Guru is licking his chops to show that he has no idea what he’s doing can do this much better than the Swami.

After Gene Wilder’s recent passing, the Guru was discussing with Mrs. Guru (she will not answer to this name) a couple of his movies, specifically Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles.  This led to the Guru remembering other Mel Brooks movies and quoting them while Mrs. Guru (nope, still not answering to it) tried to ignore him.  Now the Guru has an outlet for his Mel Brooks movie knowledge, though – this column!  So each game will be assigned a quote from a Mel Brooks movie that best describes the outcome.  Off to the picks!

The Picks!

Florida State at Louisville:  “What’s the matter, Colonel Sandurz, chicken?”  (Spaceballs) College Gameday is coming to Louisville on a week where Ohio State is in Norman and Alabama is in Oxford.  That shows how big this week is for the Cardinals, and they are no chickens and they won’t be fried, despite being in Kentucky.  They will be a stout test for FSU, but the Guru expects the Noles to mount a comeback again and take the W.  FSU 38, Ville 35mel5

Vanderbilt at Georgia Tech :  “It is said the people are revolting.” “You said it, they stink on ice.” (History of the World, Part I)  These words have been said about Vanderbilt football before.  This year they have shown a little life, but not enough to win the game.  Tech keeps them on ice this week. Yellow Jackets 27, Commodores 14

Georgia State at Wisconsin:  “Badgers?  We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers!” (Blazing Saddles). [Editor’s Note: The Guru has incorrectly quoted this as being ‘badgers’ instead of ‘badges’. While that version works better with the game, ‘Badgers’ is actually from Weird Al’s UHF and not Blazing Saddles] This game is included solely for the purpose of using this quote.  Wisconsin 45-10uhf

Oregon at Nebraska:  “You idiots, these aren’t them, you’ve captured their stunt doubles!” (Spaceballs This is not the same Oregon team from years past, but they are still athletic enough to make you look twice before realizing the princess actor has a beard.  Here, the stunt doubles will do enough to upset the Huskers.  Ducks 33, Huskers 27mel6

Alabama at Ole Miss:  “It’s good to be the King…” (History of the World, Part I)  Alabama takes what it wants, and is the undisputed king of the sport right now…except when they play Ole Miss.  However, even though the Rebels actually match up better against the Tide than any other team, the Guru thinks Bama is determined not to lose to the same team in consecutive years.  It will still (barely) be good to be the King.  Bama 26, Ole Miss 24

Texas A&M at Auburn:  “How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?” (The Producers)  Auburn has their defense humming so far, including keeping Clemson under 20. Texas A&M’s offense brought in a transfer QB, is coming off a disappointing season, and is in the tough SEC West.  And Auburn is favored.  Yet on the back of OU castoff Trevor Knight (the Guru is still a fan), A&M has gone very right so far this year.  It continues in the road upset.  Aggies 35, Tigwareagles 31mel1

Mississippi State at LSU: “I lost. I lost? Wait a second, I’m not supposed to lose. Let me see the script.”  “I get another shot!” (Robin Hood, Men in Tights).  Last year, LSU stopped MSU on the last play to hold on for the win. So MSU gets another shot!  Okay, so they don’t have Dak Prescott, and it doesn’t count for 2015.  But they get another shot!  Oh, and they’ll lose by 2 again this year.  LSU 23, MSU 21mel4

Michigan State at Notre Dame:  “You know, I’m a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.”  “What hump?” (Young Frankenstein)  It’s a hunchback joke, this is a Notre Dame game…hopefully explanation is not necessary.  Also, this series has not been played since 2013, with Notre Dame winning the last 3 games, so nobody on Michigan State has ever beaten the Domers.  This ends Saturday.  Tyler O’Connor will act like a brilliant surgeon and carve up the Irish secondary, taking the monkey off MSU’s collective back.  Spartans 30, Irish 24

Ohio State at Oklahoma “Destiny, Destiny, no escaping that for me!” (Young Frankenstein This is a complete homer pick, but the Guru believes that Baker Mayfield’s destiny is to conquer the young Buckeyes in Norman.  Oh, and it’s pronounced FRONK-EN-STEEN!  Sooners 31, Buckeyes 30mel3

USC at Stanford: *slapping with leather glove* “I challenge you to a fight!” *slapping with iron gauntlet* “I accept.” (Robin Hood: Men in Tights).  USC saw in its opening game that it is not where it wants to be.  Stanford intends to accept the challenge with a gauntlet.  Stanford 31, USC 21

Texas at California “What’s your name?” “Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me…Jim.” (Blazing Saddles)  People may be starting to call Texas “TEXAS” again, but if they want that to continue, they need to take care of business on the road in Cali. The Guru believes they will.  Longhorns 34, Golden Bears 17mel2

The Swami’s Take – Double Feature:

In honor of the incomparable Mel Brooks and gems like “Watch my back”. “Your back just got punched twice.” it feels like time for a Double Feature! Since we’ve flipped the script this week, the Swami is playing the part of the Guru this week, but since he’s long winded he had to do two picks:

Boomer Sooner over THE Ohio State University? Not so fast my friend! The first mistake was caring about money too much. I mean, who rents out their basketball arena so the other team can have an indoor, comfy pep rally before they play you?! C’mon Sooners. That would be like the Wachowski brothers wanting to win an Oscar but funding 4 Martin Scorsese films the same year!

Buckeyes 36-31

Michigan State over Notre Dame? Sure I’m saying “There’s a Chance”, but only in a Jim Carrey/Dumb and Dumber sort of way. The Spartans were sluggish last week and going to the house of shiny noggin covers is going to be a bit more strenuous of a test. The Irish’s battle with Texas has already pushed them into mid-season form and I see them taking care of this one.

Notre Dame 42-38 (in OT)

James & the Swamettes

James and the Swamettes have been feasting on an animated classic from yesteryear recently so they wanted to get on board with the quote parade, so you will now get a quote from Animaniacs with each NFL Pick!!yakko_wakko__dot

We protest you calling us “little kids”. We prefer to be called “vertically-impaired pre-adults” – Raiders over Falcons 24-17

Early to rise and early to bed/Makes a man healthy, but socially dead.” Chiefs over Texans 24-21

“All we know is that we like you. We have no taste, but we like you.” – Packers over Vikings 27-24

Until next time… THE SWAMI!


Categories: Football

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