Swami the Magazine: That’s What Friends Are For

Welcome to Swami the Magazine! Some of you may be asking about the recent silent weeks from StM headquarters. Well to both of you who noticed, thanks. Everything is fine, things just got busy for the Swami. First the Swami & Guru went off to an undisclosed location to celebrate the day of birth of the official Patriarch of the Prognosticators. (Once again… Happy Birthday Pop!). Upon returning, StM HQ’s Operations wing was out of commission. (You missed really nice calls by the Swami on TCU and the Guru on Georgia… other than that, you didn’t miss much). The good news is that the Swami did save a bunch of money on his car insurance! Anyway, the staff redoubled their efforts and got things working again this week…with some help from their friends. And as such, this was the inspiration for this week’s theme! That’s right, 23 years after the pilot of Friends aired, the StM staff is giving you a Friends themed column of picks. So to go with each pick, you will get a corresponding character that matches up best. So without further ado, I just want you all to know that even if there are delays… I’ll be there for you! (CUE THE REMBRANDTS!)

The Picks!

Nebraska v. IllinoisJanice – Yes, the Swami is leading off with one of the most annoying laughs ever on TV. So it’s fitting for one of the more annoying seasons in Nebraska history. The Swami is being kind by picking NU here (though it could be a trap according to A. Ackbar). Frankly it also could be the last win of the season for the Huskers looking at the remaining schedule. On the positive side, I’d expect some serious changes coming soon… so I’ll raise a cobb and wish them the best… Nebraska 24-20

Duke v. Miami – Joey – Joey was always the fun one, but he also had heart. Miami was always the party school, but Coach Richt actually infuses some heart in them. The problem is that Dr. Drake Ramoray could not cut it at Duke. The party just might be over in a surprise. (Probably not, but it could be close) Duke +6.5

USC v. Washington St. – Phoebe – In this matchup, Wazzou is the personification of Smelly Cat. And USC’s going to run through them even if they run like Pheobe. USC 34-14

Tennessee v. Georgia – Gunther – There were times you would look back at an episode of Friends and realize that the funniest person was actually Gunther. In much the same way, at the end of the weekend this very well could be the best game. Or it could be like many Gunther appearances…forgettable. The Swami is going with memorable this time. Go Vols. Tennessee +7.5

Auburn v. Mississippi State – Richard – Let’s be honest… the Swami just wanted an excuse to include a mustache Hall of Famer in the column. Auburn’s gonna roll. War Eagles Named Tiger 24-17

Clemson v. Virginia Tech – Rachel – The star of the weekend goes to the most successful post-Friends actor of the group. You can tell that the producers knew who the top star was because when everyone else had siblings added, their siblings weren’t Christina Applegate, and Reese Witherspoon. Just saying. Anyway, this weekend’s best game is this one hands down and should be another good showcase for the ACC. The Swami’s thinking the Champs are coming out on top again. Clemson 31-25

Oklahoma State v. Texas Tech – Chandler – Chandler’s days in Tulsa influenced this, but also the fact that with Okie State this year you aren’t sure if you are getting regular Chandler, fat Chandler, or skinny Chandler. You just know that the hair is coming. Unfortunately, it’s not his hair though. It’s Gundy’s. Happy 50th Coach… either style the mullet, or cut it. Oklahoma State 42-38

Georgia Tech v. North Carolina – Monica – Monica was always a bit of a control freak. I feel like watching Paul Johnson call the plays and run them in from the sidelines, you get the sense that he and Monica have that in common. Now we see if PJ will come out of this game looking like red carpet Monica, or frizzy hair Monica. Georgia Tech 28-21

Minnesota v. Maryland – Ross – I feel like Ross’ favorite animal, other than a dinosaur, is more likely to have been a Gopher than a Turtle because he’s a softie. And Ross thinks that Maryland’s defense will be too soft to hold off the boys from the Twin Cities. Minnesota 35-31

Florida State v. Wake Forest – Ursula – The Seminole fan base are sitting on their couches in stunned silence. They thought this season was Phoebe. It turned out to be her evil twin Ursula. Sorry guys. You get this one at least. Florida State 24-17

The Guru’s Take

The Guru is glad that STM is back this week, and is ready to show up the Swami yet again. Duke is better than it has been since…probably when their coach was named Spurrier. They have a balanced offense, and looked good in beating their in-state rival last week. However, the Guru thinks Miami still looks like the most likely contender for the Coastal crown along with Virginia Tech. After dealing with the aftermath of Irma (and possibly thinking they should just go by “Canes” for a while), Miami’s offense fired on all cylinders last week. Mark Walton may be short, but dude can flat run, and the passing game should welcome back its #1 receiver. It will be a shootout, but Miami will triumph. Miami 41, Duke 31 (Miami -6.5)Ross

James & the Swamettes

The official offspring of the Swami have been watching Big Hero 6 a lot recently (mainly because Swamette 2.0 has become obsessed) so combining that with the upcoming continuation of the story on Disney XD, the kids wanted to choose BH6 characters for their NFL picks this week.

Swamette #1 – Buffalo v. Atlanta – Honey Lemon – She’s sweet but she has a bite that you can’t stop. The Swamette believes that Atlanta will continue to be unstoppable…by a yard or two. Falcons 28-27

Swamette #2 – Oakland v. Denver – Baymax – The Swamette loves Baymax and he’s the star of the show. This game should be the star of the weekend and it’s close to anyone’s guess which version of each team will show up. The firecracker is going with the upset! Raiders 24-21

James – Washington v. Kansas City – Hiro – James is bought in to the Chiefs early success and believes that there is no way that the boys from DC will stand in the way. Additionally, Arrowhead in prime time is going to be too much to handle. Chiefs 24-13

Until next time… THE SWAMI!!


Categories: Football

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