Swami the Magazine: Lemme ‘splain

Welcome to another edition of Swami the Magazine! The Date: October 9th. That happens to be the anniversary date of my first day at my current day job. More importantly, it was on that date in 1987 that one of the greatest movies of all time was released. That’s right, we are on the cusp of the 30th anniversary of the Princess Bride! The Swami has previously given love for TPB in the form of quotes, so this time he is electing to give you characters from the film to go with each of this week’s matchups.

[Editor’s Note: Before we get to this week’s picks, let’s discuss one thing: The SEC is not what it once was. The performances this past weekend by LSU and Tennessee were embarrassing. This trend is not slowing down. Time to buck up SEC…you’re losing ground in a big way!!]

The Picks!

Louisville v. North Carolina St. – Vizzini – Not so much about the football program, but as the crushing allegations were released about the Louisville basketball program it seemed like Rick Pitino went full Vezzini yelling “inconceivable!!”. And let’s be honest…that word doesn’t mean what he thinks it means. Louisville 44-35

Wisconsin v. Nebraska – Miracle Max – Looking at the remaining schedule for Nebraska, it looks like things could go downhill quickly for both the Huskers and the coaching staff. It’s likely a miracle from Miracle Max could be their only hope. The Nebraska faithful hope the chocolate coating makes it go down easier. Wisconsin 34-20

Oklahoma v. Iowa State – King Lotharon – If Iowa State can just stay close then the Cyclones will be as happy as the king after being kissed by Buttercup (after disclosing her planned demise). Oklahoma 45-20

TCU v. West Virginia – Valerie – The wife of Miracle Max is known for her entrance, calling Max a LIAR when he tries to shirk the responsibility of cooking up a miracle. While everyone has been crowning the schools from Oklahoma as the class of the Big XII-II, the Horned Frogs are loudly yelling LIAR and inserting themselves into the mix. TCU 27-24

Miami v. FSU – Buttercup – There is no better way to visualize FSU’s face-plant so far this season than to watch Buttercup face-plant attempting to chase after the Dread-Pirate Westley as he rolled down the hill. Miami gives Buttercup another push. Miami 38-33 (Cover -3)

Florida v. LSU – Count Rugen – The Gators will treat LSU like Rugen did Domingo Montoya. They will take what they want and dispatch them with derision. Florida 41-17

Ohio State v. Maryland – Fezzik – Is Ohio State on the brute squad? Ohio State IS the brute squad. And Maryland shan’t be able to hold them off. Ohio State 42-31

Kansas State v. Texas – Inigo Montoya – After years of seeking revenge, K-State’s revenge tour against Texas will continue again this year. The Horns should prepare to…lose.  Kansas State 24-17

Michigan v. Michigan State – Prince Humperdink – Coach Harbaugh seems like the type of coach that, when angered, would lash out and turn the machine on all the way to 50. Alas, Michigan State does not have the Man in Black planning their assault on him and will fall short. Michigan 28-20

Georgia v. Vanderbilt – The Albino – The Bulldogs have that southern courtesy where they will clean your wounds and make sure you’re healthy prior to torturing you. Vanderbilt will be the recipient of this week’s torture. Georgia 38-24

The Guru’s Take

The Guru has not picked against the Swami on a Thursday so far this season, so that needs to change – stat! In a fun ACC showdown, the resurgent NC State Wolfpack is looking for a big win at home against reigning Heisman winner Lamar Jackson and his Loo-uh-ville Cards.  The matchup of the Pack’s D-line against Jackson will decide the game, and the Guru thinks the upset is a-brewing with State making just enough plays to keep Jackson in check. NC State gets its biggest win in years, with the home crowd pushing them on to victory by a razor-thin margin. Wolfpack 28, Cardinals 27

James & the Swamettes

James and the girls also decided to stay with the Princess Bride theme, but they’ll use quotes for their picks.

Chiefs v. Texans – “Is this a kissing book?!” – That was James’ actual reaction as we started watching the movie the first time. Thankfully for him, this matchup should have plenty of action to keep everyone’s interest! James is sticking with the hometown boys even on the road. Kansas City 30-27

Packers v. Cowboys – “You’d make a lovely Dread Pirate Roberts” – Swamette #1 has realized that Dak is not the original Dread Pirate Roberts, but the Cowboys keep on rolling. That won’t change this week. Dallas 30-28

Vikings v. Bears – “As you wish” – Swamette #2 is pretty sure that’s what the Bears coaching staff said to their fans as they finally changed QB’s. And she thinks it’ll work this week. Chicago 24-17


Until next time… THE SWAMI!!


Categories: Football

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